How To Microwave A 25 Pound Turkey
"Briana you DO NOT microwave a turkey?"
"What is wrong with your head?"
"Gerald got a turkey for free and defrosted it and wants me to cook it. We want to eat it right away."
"Briana, Thanksgiving is only a week away. You will be sick of turkey?"
"Mom, it’s Gerald, I’m cooking it now."
"Briana, you are in charge of bringing pickles for dinner. DO NOT microwave them."
Turns out I was the real turkey here. The butt of a joke my children think is hilarious. Apparently if you don’t already know, innocent, unsuspecting mothers all over America are receiving this alarming text. Allow me give you a little history that made this seem like a perfectly reasonable question from my youngest daughter.
Briana is a culinary illiterate. She was i6 the first time she made a cake. It was from a cake mix. In less than five minutes she was calling me into the kitchen for help. I could not imagine her problem. The instructions were clearly written and illustrated, on the back of the box. But I am the lucky mother of a truly exceptional child. She put all the ingredients into the box and could not figure out how to fit the egg beater into the box mix it up.
If Briana has peculiar cooking habits but Gerald's concept of eating is equally strange. They cook one thing and eat it until it is completly gone. He brought home a 45 pound ham for just the two of them. I don’t know how many weeks they ate on that thing but I’m pretty sure it included ham smoothies for breakfast and ham infused hot chocolate for snacks.
However strange all this may be, I am happy that my sweet grandson will not be dining on a pasty, microwaved turkey for his first Thanksgiving.