BEAR GRYLLS

I am a push button instamatic kind of girl and I like it that way. I live in a world of microwaves, flush toilets and fast food.
My kind of wilderness camping trip is somewhere I can set up an RV, bring my laptop and stroll down a rugged path where the pavement is sometimes bumpy and torn up but always leads to the beach.
Not once in my life have I ever yearned to throw myself from a plane into some unmapped piece of glacial wilderness, or alligator infested swamp with only the clothes on my back.
Perhaps the difference in our personalities is because my mother chose to name my Audrey Jane and not Bear Grylls. THANK YOU MOM!
Apparently, however, everyone in my family, including my grandchildren, think differently than me. They live a life of high adventure vicariously through their hero, Bear.
With Bear Grylls gracing our television set so many hours of the day, it has been impossible for me not to catch the odd episode. I must admit it can be addicting. After all, how many shows can you watch today and learn so many ways to survive with plain old everyday urine. Who knew you carried a built in canteen.
If I had known that peeing onto your shirt and wrapping it around your head was going to be so popular, I wouldn’t have worried about potty training my children I would have just tied their pants onto their heads.
I remember once my nephew went to the refrigerator to get a drink of juice and drank Grandpa’s urine sample. Instead of being appropriately grossed out, we should have applauded his survival instincts.
Rick is on a diet that requires a lot of protein. I don’t know why I worry about packing a lunch for him. I happen to know, there are plenty of spiders, fly’s and worms lurking somewhere behind his office.
I suppose I should be grateful, however. Maybe one day a tornado will actually hit the Pacific Northwest and Rick and I will be sucked into it’s eye, hurled through space and land in some forsaken piece of real estate.
Rick will know the right plants to eat, how to wear a snake around his neck and keep it fresh until we get hungry.
Not likely, but maybe I should go eat a worm and be prepared.