The first few years of marriage, my husband and I were wonderful gift givers. Neither of us would have considered gifting appliances, tools or anything that smacked of chores. Maybe it was because we finally reached a stage where we could purchase what we wanted,when we wanted it, that the creativity had been sucked right out of us.

It seems we now entered a new stage of giving. Actually, Rick was the first to enter this bastion of insensibility. Several years ago, when he gave me ear wax candles for my birthday. Perhaps they were something he dreamed about for himself—some kind of warped male dream spa come true.

I didn’t even know ear wax candles existed. Even if I had, they would have been on the list of things I hope never to see attached to my body—like varicose veins, warts or blood sucking leeches.

Father's day was coming up and I coveted my friend's deluxe garden wagon with retractable sides that could dump, and carry 1,200 pounds. Our wheelbarrow was rusty, had holes and was awkward to push up hill. The wagon would be the perfect gift. Rick would love it.

The problem was, we were doing a lot of yard work right now. We had 12 yards of bark dust to move. If Rick was going to get any real enjoyment out of the wagon this year, I needed to give it to him early—real early.

“Honey,” I called upstairs one beautiful April day. “I have your Father’s day gift. Can you to come to the garage to open it. It’s in the trunk and it’s too heavy for me to move.”

Moments later, Rick tromped downstairs. “Is this something I have to put together?”

If given a choice between assembling anything or trimming the hairs in his nose with a chainsaw he'd pick tirimming everytime.

“It will be easy. You’re going to love it.”

Rick hefted the package out of the trunk and squinted his eyes to examine the contents. He started to laugh and shake his head. “This is not Happy Father' Day, dear.  It's Happy Mother’s Day!” Obviously, I had just leaped over the threshold of insensibility to join him.

Five hours of knuckle breaking, back pounding work later, Rick huffed upstairs. “You know those earwax candles? I’d like to stick them in your ears and light them now.”


Jenn Wilks said...

Ear wax candles? Um, ewww! That sounds kind of like giving someone a teddy bear stuffed with belly button lint. ;-) I have to admit, a gift that requires 5 hours of back-breaking labor on the part of the recipient is a little ... Well, I don't know what it is, but I can see how he wouldn't be exactly charmed by it. :-) On the other hand, it saved him some amount of back-breaking labor moving the bark, right???

Connie said...

I like that you got him something so useful. Look at what fun you will have spreading all that barkdust together, how romantic.

I remember one year Jim and I got each other a shopvac for Valentine's day. We were both quite happy with that little purchase.

Cathy said...

My daughter brought home ear wax lip balm from the audiologist yesterday. It's supposed to keep you from licking your lips or some silly thing. It was a spoof of course. There was no real ear wax in it. I can't quite imagine collecting ear wax for anything.

Cute father's day story, Jane.

Small Town Shelly Brown said...

LOL! I gave my sister your book for Mothers Day and she just sat in a corner and giggled. You're always good for a laugh!

ali cross said...

ROFL you guys BOTH have a wacky sense of humor. I love it! So what's on tap for Father's Day THIS year?

Connie Keller said...

Ear wax candles...I'm so NOT mentioning this to my sons! Or next Mother's Day I'll have three sets.


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