Naked and Lost

 NAKED AND LOST

There are worse things than being naked in the tanning bed during an earthquake. Yesterday I took I took advantage of an upgrade in my tanning package and used the standup. I can’t handle this bed for more than 8-10 minutes because it gets so hot.

Sure enough, after two minutes I was roasting. I turned around. Of course it didn’t make a difference, there was no change of scenery and it burned the same in all directions. It just made me feel like I was in charge. I turned around a couple of more times until I began to feel like a chicken roasting on a spit. Just when I thought I was going to be fried crispy, it shut off.

Everything was dark. I reached out to push the door open. Nothing happened. I felt a screw and moved my hands up and down to find the crack and push the door open. “Don’t panic.” I thought to myself in a panic. I moved my hands to another panel and pushed. There was no sign of an opening. WHO GETS LOST IN A TANNING BED!

Obviously I had locked the door to the room so it might be an hour before they remembered I was in here. This bed wasn’t one of the regulars after all. Even if I yelled for help they would have to find the key to unlock the door or take it off the hinges if they couldn’t find the key. By then I might pass out from the heat. And what if they couldn’t get the door to the bed open either? They would have to call 911. There would be reporters.

I reached my hands to the side walls again to see if I could find the door. Nope. Now might be a great time for a full on panic attack. I started to slap my hands around in the cubicle and pushing on everything. Then I saw the door. It was behind me. All that turning around had me disoriented.
I wanted to shout out songs of joy but at the same time I ralized the ugly truth. I really couldn’t find my way out of a paper bag.

Was having brown legs really worth all this trouble? Oh the pains of vanity. 

23 comments:

Rachel D said...

I'm a new follower! Lovely blog!

Amie said...

Following and leaving a comment! Yay! Amie

Ashley said...

Newest follower :) So excited for this book!

Lisa said...

I would love to win a copy of "The Crazy Daze of Motherhood! Thank you for the chance!

E.Hemmelgarn said...

I'm a new follower from My Yellow Sandbox!

Betsy Love said...

I'm a new follower. My blog is Ramblings from a Random Writer. This is a lot of fun!

Your book is so funny! Love it!

Connie said...

Goodness Jane, I was sweating just reading about your dilema in the suntan booth. Great story and I am still not convinced to go tanning yet.

I will have to go do some looking around some the blogs you have listed and enter for some prizes. How fun!

Donna K. Weaver said...

Oh, Jane, you made me smile. You going to change your tanning plan again?

Already a follower.

Elizabeth Morgan said...

I am follower!

Tiffany said...

I'm a new follower!

Stacy Coles said...

Hi. I'm a new follower. I love the sketched pictures at the top of your blog. Are you the artist? Do you do work for other authors???

Renae W. Mackley said...

Already a follower. I'll think of you next time I'm in a paper bag.

Bree said...

Your newest follower brought over here by My Yellow Sandbox! Loving your blog header!

PJ said...

Hey I'm a new follower and found out about you by Myyellowsandbox.
I just started a zoo review blog with my fiance and I. Its going to take a while to build it up, but check it out for fun if you want.

zoozooreview.blogspot.com

M Pax said...

Sounds like a great read. Yay.

Britney Jean said...

i'm a new follower and found you through myyellowsandbox!

Britney Jean said...

i'm a new follower and found you through myyellowsandbox!

Jan said...

I've never heard of a blog party...how fun! I'm a follower!

Kerri C. said...

Hi, I'm a new follower, coming from My Yellow Sandbox! :D

I'm so glad someone else in the world has been identified by family and friends as an alien....I'm not alone! Thanks so much for your encouragement and frank sense of humor!

Brenda Sills said...

I'm following you now! Yay! Thanks for helping Cindy promote her book - she's such an awesome person!
I LOVE the drawings of you and your family in your header - fantastic!
I loved your story about the tanning bed - you are so funny! Thanks for telling it to us and making me laugh!

Michelle Bledsoe said...

Hi Jane. I'm an old follower. I love you posts, they brighten my day.

koonie2888 at yahoo dot com

Brenda Sills said...

Oh I forgot to tell you for the contest that I'm following you! :)

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

such a great contest!

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