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*****************AMERICAN IDOLVery few rules are spelled out in the marriage contract. Every couple must grope their way through the gray areas to define their own. In our household we have two absolutes.
Rule #1 If it’s my chocolate it’s MY chocolate. If it’s your chocolate it’s MY chocolate. Don’t think of coming close enough to even smell my chocolate and if your too dumb not to hide yours well enough, or eat it fast enough, I will.
Rule #2 Rick is king of the remote. I am the babysitter of the remote. If it gets lost it’s my fault, end of story. End of life if:
a) It’s not recovered quickly
b) The batteries wear out and there are none in the house
c) The dog chews, pees or otherwise initiates its demise.
The other evening Rick and I were lying in bed ensconced in our favorite activities. I was eating chocolate and he was fondling the remote. We were about to watch our latest DVR of American Idol. Life was good until...
“Stop. Go back. No further back.”
“Jane, the judges are just walking to their seats.”
“Honey, I want to see what they are wearing.”
Rick shook his head, and pushed rewind. “There, you saw them” he said and fast forwarded again.
“Stop. All I could see was that Jennifer was wearing something brown. Turn it back.”
He turned it back. “There she is.” He hit forward again.
“Wait, I want to see them walk to their chairs.”
“Are you kidding me!”
“Just do it, hon. I have to see what Steven Tyler is wearing.”
Rick has never once in our entire married life rolled his eyes at me even though I have given him plenty of eye rolling moments. He is a head shaker. But tonight he rolled his head and his eyes and his mouth dropped open so far I swear I saw his tongue roll.
“Honey, hurry up and rewind. I want to see his face. ”
“I thought you wanted to see his clothes.”
“I want to see his face too. I love the way he moves his mouth.”
“I can’t believe I’m married to a Steven Tyler groupie.”
I am an eye roller. I rolled my eyes up and into my head. But just for a second I didn't want to miss Steven Tylers parade.
When the judges were in their chairs Rick pumped the gas on the forward button again to see the contestants.
"What's the rush? I want to see what they say about the backgrounds of the singers.”
“Jane, you are ridiculous. We don’t need to see their family home, bedroom décor, or know what tune their toilet plays when they flush it. The point of the DVR is to drive forward through all the junk. We are not saving time.”
Rick was getting frustrated now. I could tell because he talked in paragraphs not his usual two words and a grunt.
“Honey, I want to be up on current events. I want to know the nuances.”
“Jane before this show you didn’t know any of these people. You didn’t even know who Stephen Tyler was. I don’t think he qualifies as a current event anymore.”
“Well, for the record, I think since he is on American Idol and now I know who he is that makes him current event enough for me.”
Rick gave me another record breaking roll of his head and eyes.
I mourned the loss of Simon Cowell all winter and it took time to warm up to Steven. Rick wasn’t going to ruin this for me. And I’m not saying I’m hot for Steven, just warm. But he sure makes one heck of a carnival act.
Chocolate, American Idol and Stephen Tyler, all rolled into one and covered with a little nuts. UM...MMMM.