Thanks to all those who visit my blog and entered my contest. I hope you come back every week. Now enjoy
Very few rules are spelled out in the marriage contract. Every couple must grope their way through the gray areas to define their own. In our household we have two absolutes.

Rule #1 If it’s my chocolate it’s MY chocolate. If it’s your chocolate it’s MY chocolate. Don’t think of coming close enough to even smell my chocolate and if your too dumb not to hide yours well enough, or eat it fast enough, I will.

Rule #2 Rick is king of the remote. I am the babysitter of the remote. If it gets lost it’s my fault, end of story. End of life if:
a) It’s not recovered quickly
b) The batteries wear out and there are none in the house
c) The dog chews, pees or otherwise initiates its demise.

The other evening Rick and I were lying in bed ensconced in our favorite activities. I was eating chocolate and he was fondling the remote. We were about to watch our latest DVR of American Idol. Life was good until...

“Stop. Go back. No further back.”

“Jane, the judges are just walking to their seats.”

“Honey, I want to see what they are wearing.”

Rick shook his head, and pushed rewind. “There, you saw them” he said and fast forwarded again.

“Stop. All I could see was that Jennifer was wearing something brown. Turn it back.”

He turned it back. “There she is.” He hit forward again.

“Wait, I want to see them walk to their chairs.”

“Are you kidding me!”

“Just do it, hon. I have to see what Steven Tyler is wearing.”

Rick has never once in our entire married life rolled his eyes at me even though I have given him plenty of eye rolling moments. He is a head shaker. But tonight he rolled his head and his eyes and his mouth dropped open so far I swear I saw his tongue roll.

“Honey, hurry up and rewind. I want to see his face. ”

“I thought you wanted to see his clothes.”

“I want to see his face too. I love the way he moves his mouth.”

“I can’t believe I’m married to a Steven Tyler groupie.”

I am an eye roller. I rolled my eyes up and into my head. But just for a second I didn't want to miss Steven Tylers parade.

When the judges were in their chairs Rick pumped the gas on the forward button again to see the contestants.

"What's the rush? I want to see what they say about the backgrounds of the singers.”

“Jane, you are ridiculous. We don’t need to see their family home, bedroom d├ęcor, or know what tune their toilet plays when they flush it. The point of the DVR is to drive forward through all the junk. We are not saving time.”

Rick was getting frustrated now. I could tell because he talked in paragraphs not his usual two words and a grunt.

“Honey, I want to be up on current events. I want to know the nuances.”

“Jane before this show you didn’t know any of these people. You didn’t even know who Stephen Tyler was. I don’t think he qualifies as a current event anymore.”

“Well, for the record, I think since he is on American Idol and now I know who he is that makes him current event enough for me.”

Rick gave me another record breaking roll of his head and eyes.

I mourned the loss of Simon Cowell all winter and it took time to warm up to Steven. Rick wasn’t going to ruin this for me. And I’m not saying I’m hot for Steven, just warm. But he sure makes one heck of a carnival act.

Chocolate, American Idol and Stephen Tyler, all rolled into one and covered with a little nuts. UM...MMMM.


Nisa said...

Such a fun post! I caught American Idol for the first time this season last week and was surprised to see Steven Tyler hosting. Fun!

Rebecca said...

Funny post, but I don't get Steven Tyler's physical appeal. I just can't find a guy sexy who could fit a tour bus in his mouth! I guess it's good that there are all kinds for all kinds!

Jane Isfeld Still said...

ROFL Rebecca. You are funny!!!That's what took me so long to figure out if I like Steven Tyler or not but I decided since he looked so much like a friend of mine I liked him. I have no mind of my own sometimes. I prefer to think of it as a generous mouth.:)

Karen said...

Jane, I really enjoyed your book and I know I'll love reading more of your stories on your blog. I just signed up to be a follower:)

Mereknits said...

I just found your blog throught Karen (see above). I agree with The American Idol hisband doesn't get it, actually whos does? If you have a chapter on menopause and puberty happnening at the same time...I am in!
Have a great day,

Debby said...

Great excerpt. I am a follower now so I can keep up
debby236 at

wendy said...

That is hysterical. I am relieved to know I am not the only one who hides Chocolate on my husband. When given a nice box of chocolates...the GOOD ONES...I do. not. share.
I am loving American Idol this year. Jen is sooooo gorgeous and Steven is entertaining!! The contestants are awesome this year.
I support you on the "we gotta watch them walk to their seats" request.

Joan Sowards said...

And we expect husbands to understand these things?
New follower today, though I've visited often.

tammy said...

You are hilarious. I just shared the part about the remote with my husband. Too funny! Now I'm off to stash some more chocolate.

Connie said...

What is it about the remote control? My husband drive me nuts with all the changing from one channel to the next and back again. As for the wardrobe's the judges are wearing, that is a very important part of the show isn't it? We women need to take in ALL of the fanfare and whoopla, that's just how it is. Great Post!


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