IPT WHAT?

If television were a pent house, I would be living in the basement. According to my children, Andy of Mayberry, Bonanza and Petticoat Junction are not, cutting edge, anymore.
I hate to break it to them but I also like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars. Through no choice of my own, thanks to Garret and Rick, I am also becoming a fan of Bear Grylls. (What are some people thinking when they name their kids?)
Last week, however, I discovered I have sunk to a new low, the sub basement in the television penthouse.
It’s all Garrets fault. Everything is always Garrets fault. He decided that since we don’t watch much TV we should ditch the Satelite and get IPTV. Meaning, we watch television over the internet for a savings of $50 a month.
“Here’s the best part Mom, you never have to watch another commercial in your life!”
“What, no commercials?” I started to hyperventilate. “Garret, if it wasn’t for commercials I wouldn’t know about things like...like the Sham Wow.”
“You don’t own a Sham Wow mom. You said it's a gimmick.”
“That’s beside the point. I have the choice to buy it or not and when people talk about it, and they do, at least I know what they are referring to.
Garret stared then shook his head. “Who ever heard of someone wanting to watch the commercials?”
“I don’t want to watch them. I want to...to go to the bathroom during them, or grab a snack. When will I ever dust? Do you know some of those commercials are two minutes long?”
“Mom, you’re sick.”
The room started to spin. I sat down. “It will mean more shopping. I’ll have to make a special trip every month to the ‘What They Sell on TV’ store to get educated. How will I know what’s hot for Christmas? I might slide back into the twentieth century.”
“Mom, I hate to break it to you but you haven’t crawled out of that century yet. This is the perfect example. The 21st century is about no commercials.”
I grabbed Garret by the arm. “Maybe I’m a commercial addict.”
“Mom, you are seriously messed up.”
That is how we came to switch to commercial free television. Now if I could just figure out how to make it work.
Please everyone, I am at your mercy. If there are new gadgets and thingamajigs out there will you please let me know? If you could put it to music even better.