"I'm pretty sure I'm going to die. My inside organs are chewing their way out."
This is my daughter, Kristjana's response to her 6th day on the HCG diet. I am into my second week of the 'GREAT GORGE' diet and my husband and I feel great; empty but great. Neither one of us wants to take the butcher knife and cut out our stomach. Kristjana will never handle childbirth.
We are now in the second phase of our diet. We eat 500 carefully selected calories a day. We have 17 days to go.
One interesting facet of this diet is that you inject yourself with urine. Not just any urine but urine from pregnant women; imported from Europe. Kind of like expensive perfume I like to think.
My first reaction was the same as my children and probably many of you reading about this diet for the first time. "You're going to do what?"
But even the greatest grossed out skeptics in the world have been known to cave. It wasn't my idea. This is a reverse of the Adam and Eve scenario. Rick led the way. His staff had experienced great results so he and Kristjana decided to give it a whirl. I think it was just a good excuse to gorge on New Years Eve.
Well, they weren't leaving me out. I haven't gorged for years and it has always been a secret fantasy of mine to stick myself with sharp needles. Besides, the allure of injecting myself with European urine gives me the sense of being a diet connoisseur.
Since you are supposed to feel good on this diet and Kristjana is obviously in great distress, (I want to be there, with a tape recorder, when she gives birth), I suggested she get a pregnancy test to test the urine and see if its effective.
She just called to tell me she isn't pregnant. "You tested the urine?" I asked.
"Yes mom, I just went to the bathroom and I am telling you I am not pregnant. This diet isn't working."
Hello! I know I had that discussion with her years ago.
"Kristjana you are supposed to test the pregnant urine not your own."
I can still hear her shout ringing in my ears. "I wasted good money on a pregnancy test? Do you know how embarrassing it was to buy that thing?"
I guess I should be grateful. I will think about that once I quit laughing.
Happy Mother's Daze