“Mom, what the heck did you send me this for? Do you have any concept of what I meant when I said I have no room at my apartment? This box is huge! I mean thanks and everything, but you just as well have sent me a rock.”
“A rock,” I laughed. “Jason you can’t eat a rock.”
“Well I can’t eat this either ‘cause it’s so big I’ll have to have someone else store it for me.”
“Store it under your bed.”
“Mom, I have no under my bed. The box spring and frame wouldn’t fit. I have one tiny room with one small cupboard that I keep a toaster oven on the rare occasion I might need to cook something.”
The next call was from Adam. He called laughing. “Thanks mom. That was a huge package. I didn’t think I was going to be able to fit it into the car. At least you won’t have to worry about me now.”
“That right! If things get really bad you could stretch it out for 21 days by eating one meal a day.”
“Mom, you’re crazy. You overreact.”
“Adam, I am not crazy. For your information, your Dad thought this was a good idea too. He’s sitting right beside me if you want to talk to him.”
Finally Garret’s call came in. “Uh, mom, thanks. I got my package…my birthday isn’t until July you know.”
“I know but if I waited until then, I would miss the sale. Besides, what if you needed it before then?”
“Yeah mom, Armageddon is right around the corner.”
“Garret, have you ever heard of earthquakes and hurricanes? Don’t you dare eat it now? You put it away ‘til you need it. It’s good for 25 years and the water is good for four years.”
“Mom, you do realize there are more economical ways to send water than in little tiny packages don’t you—like gallon jugs.”
This is why Garret is rich and we aren’t.
And so it went. They all accepted their gifts with the same grace they did when I gave them a back pack filled with a 72-hour kit several years ago. They are still sitting in my basement—which is why I sent this to their addresses.
I just found out that MRE’s can cause constipation if you are not used to eating them. I wonder what they are going to say to the week supply of X-lax I am going to put in their stockings.