PHONE FIASCO

I cannot believe I had another incident with my cell phone. Most people have an incident or maybe two with their phones and get the hang of it. Not me, I have to do the same things other people do and then create my own unique disasters. This is why I am able to write humor.

Fiasco number one, the complete story is in my first book ‘Mother’s Daze’, happened when I took my cell phone out the first time and didn’t know the ring tone. I was looking through a bin of diet drinks in the grocery store and almost destroyed the display to find out where the music was coming from.
Then, when I got a new phone I didn’t know how to turn it off when I took it on the airplane. When I asked the man on the seat next to me gave me a look that made me feel like I was the H1N1 disease.
I am on my third phone now and had no problems with it until the day I dropped it into the toilet and there were no rubber gloves in the house. Complete story in ‘The Crazy Daze of Motherhood’. But just like one of those old Timex watches, ‘it takes a licken and keeps on ticken.’

I knew for sure my phone was indestructible when I put it on the roof on my car a few days ago and drove off. My neighbor found it on the side of the road. It now it bears the scars of dog teeth but it still worked.

Then yesterday it wouldn’t work. This is a catastrophe. I finally mastered those critical skills of knowing how to turn it on and off plus voice mail, taking photos, and keeping it out of the toilet. It was my plan to be buried with it.

I can’t handle the learning curve of getting a new phone so I turn to the electronic expert is our house. Actually Rick knows little about the subject but he has never dropped a phone into the toilet.
“Honey, my cell phone doesn’t work. Maybe it needs a new battery. I just charged it and it didn’t hold. Can you pick one up for me today?”

“You don’t think it might have anything to do with the fact it was mauled by the bear our neighbor likes to call a dog?”
“It was working fine after that. Besides, now my phone is an original and nobody will want to steal it.
“Janie, no-one wanted to steal it before. You couldn’t give that thing away it’s so ancient.”
“Ha, ha.”

I was going out so I took Ricks phone with me. About an hour later I got a call. “Hello.”

“Jane, I fixed your phone."

“Already? Was it the battery?”

“Nope. I just turned it on."

“Are you kidding me? I never turned it off.”

Then came the words I hate to hear. Every time something isn’t working I hear them. “Jane, all you have to do is plug it in and turn it on.”

One time out of ten thousand and eleven times he is right and I am wrong. I will never hear the end of it! Is there a name for people like me?