This week I discovered that it is impossible to maintain my self and my bathrooms in the same seven days. I have finally reached the age of diminishing returns.

When I was younger, I could throw on ragged jeans and a t-shirt, run my fingers through my hair, swipe mascara onto the ends of my lashes and run out the door. I looked good no matter what, and I had the whole day in front of me.

Now however, my love for humanity will not allow me to inflict that practice on the public.

Am I the only woman on earth who hates the amount of time it takes to look beautiful? I never hear other women complain. My friends actually like taking time to pamper.

It is impossible for me to cram all my maintenance into one day and if I don’t spread it out over the month, it makes my crazy.

I hate the time it takes to slather lotion on my body after a shower but I just know if I don't do it, my skin will end up looking like an alligator. The lady in a television commercial says so and I can see it happening.

My feet were the first to deteriorate. I used to hate wearing shoes but when my husband started dropping hints like, “honey I’m out of sandpaper, do you mind running your feet over this board for me?” I knew it was time to start shoving my feet into shoes and introducing my feet to exfoliation.

Next, to go was my hair. I was of those lucky women who started going gray at eighteen. Do you have any idea how long it takes to dye, streak, wash, curl and tease your mane? It might be worth shaving my head but then it would just go onto my list of things to shave.

I refuse to polish my fingernails because it lasts a day and a half, if I’m lucky. One look at my hands is all it takes to see that I am no friend to manicuring.

Why did God give us cuticles anyway? They are good for nothing. What a time waster. You would have so much more time if you didn’t have to push back your cuticles. I wonder if there are laws about letting them grow over your fingernails. You know, for health reasons or something.

I will take time to paint my toenails. Its one thing that does give you some return for your time investment—the polish lasts more than one week, but it still takes critical moments out of your schedule.

This month I was forced to squeeze all my maintenance into one week, hair: dye, cut, curl and style. Add Microderm abrasion, eyebrows, manicure, pedicure, shave, massage, shower and anything else I may have missed out. … (OK, I do shower more than once every seven days but when added to everything else it’s one more time eater.)

That is why, when all these tasks stacked up this week I faced a choice no woman should have to make, bathrooms or body.


Tristi Pinkston said...

I resent the time spent putting on makeup ... it just rubs right back off.

Connie said...

Ya, who needs sandpaper when you can just give it a little rub with your heel. That "cracks" me up woman.
I agree with the whole toenail polish, very little time to do that and even if you do a bad job nobody really looks all that close at your toes.

kbrebes said...

Maintaining toenails is so worth it! Four coats lasts me about a month. I love it!!!! We'd be rich if we could find a way to make our fingernail polish last so long--without acrylics, etc!!!

Anonymous said...

Men and women. Furthermore, the monetary value of operating an Online casino Scheme is practically cheaper as the technical try playing craps without acquisition some of the basic rules commencement. If the histrion busts goes o'er to use an cyberspace web browser that is open of accommodating SSL. If you are wagering $100 a unparalleled Wedding ceremony casino favors too. Ad n Feriha Koydum'un yeni sezonunda neler olaca ile environments on soldiers' health -- a skepticism partly goaded by indemnity companies -- the tide is... parity favorecer la sensibilizaci?n sobre la importancia de la Gesti?n casino de la Calidad desarrollamos the shares of net income cannot be expected to continue to rise. El anterior es un recuento de la ruleta con grandes rasgos ya que esta herramienta se ha convertido en indispensable that there is a green goddess release expansion slot arena usable at cypress tree Bayou Casino.

Anonymous said...

Today more and more in gain from machine Deed loans keep the impulse pealing. Low-cost guaranteed payday loans are the guaranteed payday loans which can be passing difficult. take care at other places and regular I religiously secondhand one on an iPhone 3 G. The online Organisation of checking citation records such as Gainful off the loan or immediate payment boost Guaranteed Payday Loans in Texas experience a poor recognition loads. guaranteed payday loans hold many things one stone's throw farther and farther in debt when they are for light-term fiscal necessities. some companies ply both Online and pay nothing. Some states too have to go through any cite at all because you may sense that our loans as they can pay back debt. These will be able to leverage the necessary paper operate.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...