You can tell you're getting old when you have to sit down to put on your pantyhose. That's what my friend Kris told me several years ago, when she complained that now she had to sit down to put her pantyhose on.
Kris is about the same age as me. Until then, I never gave any thought to how I put on my hose. I hate them, and wear them on an only as needed basis. However, I am proud to say I can still put them on standing up.
My husband however, is a different story. And no, he is not in the habit of wearing pantyhose. He only wore them a couple of times for scuba diving. Let me just say that seeing a 6 foot 225 pound man try to squeeze into a pair of queen size pantie hose still makes me laugh. But, that is a story for another time.
Men show they are getting older when they can no longer reach down to take off their socks. Rick has the annoying habit of standing on the toe of his sock and pulling his foot out of it. He wears black socks and we have a light carpet. Hence, sock lint.
Studies have shown that when you are first married things like, where you squeeze the toothpaste tube, can be marriage breakers. I am pleased to say we breezed through that phase, so I am sure we will make it through this one too.
Not only does Rick leave lint all over the floor, but when he yanks his socks off he leaves them wherever they happen to land. Our laundry basket is only a couple of feet away in the next room. Sometimes I challenge him. “Honey, why can’t you pick up your socks?”
He looks at me like I’m daft and laughs. “Janie, I am going to wear them again.”
“Really? I know you’re going to wear them again. When they are clean. It’s highly unlikely you are going to continue wearing them until they are so dirty they stand up and walk to the laundry basket on their own.”
I pick up his socks and step around the corner to the dirty clothes basket. Before I can throw his socks in, I have to take his shirt off the top of the lid. Let me mention here that the lid is a light weight wicker that simply sits on top of the basket. No prying, tugging or heavy lifting involved. Apparently the biceps are the next thing to go. I bite my tongue and think back to the good of days of toothpaste.