CLENCH AND RELEASE

I graduated college as a secretary. Back in the day, that was the touted career, according to my spinster, high school typing teacher. Her advice to become a secretary, however, was probably the worst I ever received. My greatest gift to mankind is NOT being a secretary.

The deeper I got into my studies, the more I dreaded a lifetime of bookkeeping, typing, and filing. It never once crossed my mind that there was something greater to fear from secretarial work. The one thing never addressed in my course of studies was—the dreaded spread.

When I got my first and only secretarial job, I sat at my desk eight hours a day. I could physically feel my backside flatten, grow and spread, like a rising chunk of bread dough. Then I started to notice the other secretaries in the office and other people I knew, who spent their days attached to a chair. It wasn’t pretty. Flat, broad bottoms were definitely a hazard of the trade, and from what I could see, there was no remedy. My nightmares were full of bread dough spreading over everything. It was time for action.

Long before they were popular, I invented chair isometrics—clench and release, clench. Glance around the room—is anyone watching—release. Clench and release.

I bring this up because I am now a writer, which requires a lot of time on my derriere, answering mail, visiting blogs, doing research and then of course writing. Now that I am older, gravity working against me and I am even more concerned about the dreaded spread. The only thing that has changed is that I write in private and can clench and release all I want without fear of discovery.

Some writers I know are absolutely dedicated to exercise, but I HATE it. I like to sneak up on it. I put my foot on the cupboard while I do dishes to stretch. I force myself to run through the house for twelve minutes a day. Up and down the stairs ,with the TV  in each room tuned to the news so I’m not wasting time. Sometimes, even twelve minutes a day is too much of a sacrifice.

Do you sneak your workouts in or do you take  time to do a full blown workout everyday. If you're a closet clencher be brave confess. It will feel good I promise. Ahh,  one more clench and I'm done. Dang, those gluts arealmost lookin' good.


9 comments:

Connie said...

Obviously whatever you do to keep in shape works wonderfully. Clenches, stretching, running up and down stairs and I know you also do lots of yard and garden work. You go girl!!!

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